“I just want something real.” “I want them to keep it real with me no matter what.” We have all seen and/or heard these two phrases probably more times than we care to remember. I came across a quote over the weekend that read “Everyone wants something real with someone real until they meet someone whose real standards challenge them to be real consistent, real considerate, and real committed”. For whatever reason, this spoke volumes to me. Part of that is because of my past. I, like a lot of others have been one of those people to say I want something real but then when I get it I don’t take full advantage (if any) of the situation.
A lot of people have made and are currently making this same mistake…hoping and wishing (or praying) for that real person to enter their life and then when that person does, they can’t handle what that person requires. An ongoing cycle if you will. But why is this?? Ask several people and I’m sure you will get several different answers. My personal take on the matter is that people for the most part are set in their ways. They have been doing things their way, operating a certain way for years. To the point that when someone new comes into their life offering different ideas, perspectives, and values they often don’t know how to handle it because it isn’t something they are used to.
I’ll use myself as an example. When I was 26 years old I met a gorgeous young lady through a friend of a friend. We’ll call her Candice. So Candice and I immediately started to vibe real hard. Now prior to Candice, I was just getting out of a bad breakup with my daughters mom so I wasn't looking to jump into anything to serious although I did want someone real. I know, it doesn't make sense but that was my mind frame at the time. So, as stated previously Candice and I hit it off fairly quickly. We did the usual things that people in the talking stage do as far as occasionally going on dates and spending time together and whatnot; and by all means she was a real one. We fell out because the standards she had set for the type of man she was willing to be in a relationship with although they weren’t major; they were too much for me at the time. Like I stated I was fresh out of a relationship and I was enjoying being back in the mix of the single life. “No ties, no commitments, and no obligations” used to be my little slogan. SMH. Candice was under the impression that we were going to be in a relationship sooner or later (sooner if you ask me) so she started acting as such. All of a sudden seeing each other two or three days a week wasn’t enough. She wanted to see each other every day, didn’t want me dealing with other women. Basically we were on our way to being one of those couples that weren’t officially a couple…you know, a couple without the title. Yuck. This was new to me and I was not ready to say the least. The sad part is I didn’t even want to be ready. I was so comfortable and caught up in my own ways that I didn’t care about Candice’s feelings. Long story short our little fling ended not long after it began.
I’m positive that there are plenty more stories similar to this of people who thought they were ready for something real with a person but in all actuality they really weren’t. Looking back I know that I have dropped the ball with Candice and a few other good women all because my mind frame wasn’t where it should have been for the type of woman I was dealing with. I think the current cycle can change if more people were willing to open up and accept new things that are brought to them as opposed to automatically shutting them down or blowing them off. So the next time you get a real one that challenges you with something new….step up and accept the challenge. You never know where it could go.
-Chillin N Livin